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Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Despite resources, players reluctant to seek help
Despite resources, players reluctant to seek help
By Jason Cole, Yahoo! Sports Sep 28, 12:11 am EDT
From the great blocks that once made Barret Robbins a Pro Bowler to the awful binges of alcohol and drugs that led to him being shot in the chest by police, agent Drew Pittman has had a front-row seat to the issues that have impacted his friend and client, and kept Robbins in a correctional or treatment facility for much of the past seven years.
After more than 15 years of sitting in that seat, Pittman has come to one intensely sad conclusion:
“The moments when Barret really sounds like he’s at his best are when he’s incarcerated,” Pittman said of the currently jailed former lineman. “He has a schedule he has to live by, they tell him what to do and they make him take his meds.”
Robbins, best known for disappearing just two days before the Oakland Raiders’ appearance in Super Bowl XXXVII and diagnosed with bipolar disorder, is no longer some athlete fed by the Superman complex that lives deep inside so many. He’s just a man, troubled and, in some respects, frail. Help isn’t offered; it’s required.
It’s the kind of help that might have kept Denver Broncos wide receiver Kenny McKinley(notes) from apparently killing himself last week. Like so many others in the NFL, it appears McKinley didn’t seek assistance.
“In all my time playing and in 10 years of working with players since I retired, I can’t remember one guy, not one, who asked for help,” said Robert Bailey, who spent 11 seasons with six different teams as a defensive back and special teams ace and now is a marketing agent working with Drew Rosenhaus.
In the case of McKinley, whose funeral was in suburban Atlanta on Monday, authorities believe he shot himself in the head because he was depressed after his second straight season-ending knee surgery.
In today’s NFL, ample services are offered to help players cope with their issues – financial, family or otherwise. The league provides those under the umbrella of its player development program. It includes free counseling sessions and trained staff people who are around every team on a regular or semi-regular basis. The NFL Players Association hands out cards with the number of a helpline. There are life skills classes, both mandatory and voluntary, taught on a regular basis.
Yet the league is littered with tragic stories, including All-Pros like Robbins and unknowns such as McKinley. There were former first-round picks such as Alonzo Spellman and Dimitrius Underwood, who have struggled severely with bipolar disorder. Former quarterback Art Schlichter was addicted to gambling.
Some, such as Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams(notes) and former Pro Bowl punter Greg Montgomery, get help and eventually find a solution. Many more succumb to the intense pressure that exists in the NFL.
“For me, it wasn’t hard to seek help, but I think the hardest part is it’s difficult to be introspective in this sport,” said Williams, who has openly discussed his bouts with anxiety and depression. “This environment isn’t conducive to that. There are all these external factors coming at you and you think that’s what’s affecting you. … I had a chance to really sit down and say, ‘It’s not external, it’s me. There’s something I need to fix.’
“The nature of the job is inhumane. It’s the most stressful job I can think of. There are jobs that are more dangerous, but the pressure to perform every day is intense, so it’s easy to project that the pressure comes from outside and that the problem isn’t you. Imagine that you’re at work every day and someone is following you around with a camera the whole time and then you watch yourself as other people critique what you’re doing.”
Or, in McKinley’s case, the pressure that goes with not performing. In two seasons after being a fifth-round draft pick in 2009, McKinley had scarcely played because of knee injuries. On Saturday, the Broncos held a service for him and McKinley’s father recalled how his son, when he was just five, had once made a business card out of an index card that read, “Kenny McKinley, football player.”
That type of self-imposed pressure may lead to trouble down the line.
“So much of what we try to do is about developing an identity outside of being a football player,” said Williams, who sought counseling during his rookie season with the New Orleans Saints. “If your identity [is] wrapped up in you being a football player and you’re in a sport where so many guys are replaceable, what’s going to happen when you don’t have football?”
Even more, there is a gladiator mentality. To show weakness is antithetical.
“You don’t ever want to show that chink in the armor, that you’re somehow vulnerable,” Bailey said.
Conversely, “I would say that we’re no different than what exists in general society,” said Adolpho Birch, the NFL vice president of player development. “People have a reticence to engaging in mental health therapy.”
After helping Denver teammates and McKinley’s family deal with the immediate issues, Birch said the league eventually will examine the situation in hopes of finding out what else could have been done. Over the past decade, the league has tried to change the perception of counseling. Having counselors around teams regularly was one step the league took so that players would be more comfortable with them.
“You want counselors to get to know players in a friendly way, not just as someone who is around when things are going bad,” Birch said.
Even then, recognizing problems is difficult.
Underwood had an abbreviated tenure with the Vikings.
(Callie Lipkin/AP Photo)
In 1999, Underwood was a first-round pick by the Minnesota Vikings who went AWOL during training camp. He was cut and later claimed on waivers by Miami. During the Dolphins’ bye week in September 1999, Underwood tried to kill himself, putting a knife to his throat. Less than 18 months later, after being released by the Dolphins and signed by the Dallas Cowboys, Underwood again attempted to take his own life by walking in front of oncoming traffic on a busy South Florida roadway.
Underwood was tormented by visions of the apocalypse. He used to write notes discussing the end of the world on pieces of paper the size of postage stamps. When he was in a normal state, he could be engaging in conversation. He was funny and intelligent. He also exuded physical confidence and had extraordinary talent.
“You’re talking about people who are told that they can overcome anything, do anything, if they work at it,” said Pittman, whose partner, Craig Domann, represented Underwood. “It’s not just in athletes. You see the same thing in lots of people: doctors, lawyers, bankers. Athletes think they’re stronger than anyone else. Doctors think they’re smarter.”
Moreover, even suggesting that someone get help is difficult.
“I know there were guys I played with who needed help and I’m sure that, privately, the team pulled them aside and took care of them,” Bailey said.
Williams said the problem runs deeper.
“It’s hard for loved ones to say something because they’re probably getting something from us and don’t want to hurt that relationship. For teammates, it’s hard to put a hand on somebody’s shoulder and say, ‘Hey, I think you need help,’ ” he said.
Even if the help is there.
“All the player would have to do is pick up a phone and call the number on the card the [union] gives out and say, ‘I don’t know, but something ain’t right’ and he’d get plenty of help,” Pittman said. “But that means he’d have to admit to himself, ‘You mean I’m not tough enough to handle this?’ ”
Many outside observers like to think players’ financial compensation makes up for all the pressures they endure. Sometimes, however, a lot of money for someone in their 20s has just the opposite effect. It adds to already enormous pressure.
Williams’ journey of self-discovery and help has included suspensions for violating the league’s substance abuse policy.
“I think when I really understood it is when I was talking to one of my players and we talked about how this is probably the only profession where you walk into the building and you say hi to somebody who, once they walk away and go to their office, is going to look at film trying to find somebody who is better than you,” Pittman said. “Teams spend millions of dollars every year looking for somebody who is better than you. Could you imagine going to work like that every day, thinking that somebody you worked with was doing nothing but trying to replace you?”
That’s to say nothing of the usual pressures that go with life, such as the player Pittman represents whom he has had trouble keeping track of lately.
Pittman won’t identify the player, but describes him as one of the many fringe players who get churned around the league. Aside from the tension of keeping a job that could be lost simply with a missed tackle on a punt return, the player recently had a child with a girlfriend who has proved to be flighty.
The pressure proved to be too much for the player, who asked for his release in the offseason. Pittman didn’t find out about it until he called the team. The player didn’t return calls for weeks.
“He’s dealing with a lot. He thought that the best way to raise his child was to be an NFL player and then he discovered it was too hard to do that, to try to hang onto that dream,” said Pittman, a touch of concern evident in his voice.
There’s a reason for that. Just as before, Pittman hasn’t heard from the player in a while.
And that’s cause for stress.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
FULFILLED EVERYDAY by Matthew Maher
August 29, 2010
FULFILLED EVERYDAY
John 15:10
Psalm 107:9
Psalm 70:14
Jay is finally back after being in New York's "Riker's Island" for the past 11 days sorting out his legal trouble. The result was all over the media outlets. Anyway, upon receiving the maximum penalty of one year at Riker's, everyone here at Mid-State assumed Jay would be depressed and completely bitter at the outcome. Well, truth be told, he is more positive and at peace than before he left. People don't realize that when you're at peace with God, a "worldly" set-back is viewed as a "purposed" set-up. Jay is now relieved, not restrained, and he actually brought something up that I said to him before he left. At that time, he said, I was crazy. But now he understands.
Before he went to New York, I said to him, "Don't think I'm crazy, but I can live here forever." He shot me down and told me I was crazy. But, then I explained, "I'm serious, I know there is more out there for me, but if it were the case that I had to stay here, I'm content. I'm finally living with purpose, and I'm doing more for the good now than I would ever be doing if I were just playing soccer. I'm fulfilled everyday!" He paused for a minute to soak in what I had said, then responded, "Don't ever say that again." Jay didn't like me saying I could live here ‘forever,' but he understood where my head and heart was. I was only speaking figuratively. What I meant was that it didn't matter, where you are, or what your circumstances to live a life fulfilled and at peace.
Now, back to today, so Jay says to me, "I know exactly what you meant now when you said you could live here forever. This too shall pass for us, but what's the difference between this and sitting on a beach when we are living with purpose. I'm satisfied now and I know God has an ultimate plan for me." Jay couldn't have said it any better. And the Truth, the Word, Jesus...will set you free.
I'm either insane or onto something....
~Nothing is more satisfying and fulfilling than living with purpose for the Lord; He will always meet all of our needs~
"For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness." (Psalm 107:9)
Monday, September 20, 2010
What Not to Say When Pulled Over by a Cop by Jennifer Waters
by Jennifer Waters
Sunday, September 19, 2010
In what he calls an "educational video" that's widely circulated on YouTube, comedian Chris Rock offers advice on what to do when you get pulled over for a traffic violation.
"Obey the law" he says. "Stop immediately" and "stay in your car with your hands on the wheel." Finally, "if your woman is mad at you, leave her at home. There's nothing she'd like to see more than you getting your [you-know-what] kicked."
"Everything in that video is absolutely true," said Sgt. Matthew Koep of the South Plainfield, N.J., Police Department. "It's funny, but it's accurate."
Citizens who are generally law-abiding are likely to come into contact with the police only under two circumstances: If you're a crime victim or you get pulled over for a traffic violation.
Police officers are not out to make your life miserable, but to make sure you're following the rules of the road and not endangering yourself or those around you.
With a few exceptions, and an egregious traffic violation is top among them, cops aren't mandated to write tickets. Most would rather send you on your way with a friendly warning -- that can save you time and money.
But handle the situation with an aggressive or arrogant attitude and you can expect to squeeze an expensive court date into your busy schedule.
Play Nice
First rule: don't argue.
"I get this all the time," said Karen Rittorno, a nine-year veteran with the Chicago Police Department. "'What are you stopping me for? I didn't do nothing.' If they try to take charge of the traffic stop, they're not going to get out of it without a ticket," she said. "We ask the questions, not them."
Accept that the police have caught you doing something that's against the law, such as speeding or gliding through a stop sign.
"All we do is react to what people do when you pull them over," said Dennis Fanning, a homicide detective and veteran officer with the Los Angeles Police Department. "We don't instigate the stuff, but we will react to you. The situation will escalate or de-escalate depending on how that person reacts."
To argue with cops is akin to calling them idiots. Don't do that. "That's implying that I pulled you over for no reason and that bothers me," Koep said.
Keep It Honest
Don't lie, either. Cops are trained to note the human characteristics of lying, including twitching and looking to the left, and they know the right questions to ask to suss out the truth.
Fanning estimates that nine out of 10 people lie to him. "It's an attack on our intelligence," he said.
Moreover, the truth can set you free. Koep recalled an incident when he pulled a young guy over for speeding.
"He looks straight at me and says, 'You know, officer, I wasn't even paying attention. I just had the best date of my life. I just met my future bride. I'm just on cloud nine right now.'
"The guy was completely serious," Koep said. "How are you going to write that guy up after that? Who makes that kind of stuff up?"
Of course, don't use pejoratives when addressing the police, unless you're eager for a ticket. But other words may backfire, too. Rittorno works in a crime-ridden section of Chicago where the majority of people she pulls over for traffic violations don't have licenses or insurance, she said.
"So I get a lot of, 'I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean it, sweetheart,'" she said. "I hate being called 'baby' or 'sweetheart.' I'm 'officer' to you.''
The police don't like being talked over, either. "Be polite," said Chicago Officer Mike Thomas. "You have your rights as a citizen, too, but it doesn't do you any good to talk while he's talking."
Cops know that people are nervous when they get pulled over, and they expect a certain amount of jumpiness when they approach a car. Rittorno even admitted she's intimidated in the same situation. "I'm the police and I get scared if I get pulled over," she said.
But did you know they're on edge, too? You know who they are, but they don't know whether you're a good guy or a bad guy. "The only thing on his mind when he approaches you is safety," Thomas said. "You know you don't have a gun in your lap, but the officer doesn't know it."
Rittorno, for one, said she assumes everyone has a gun. "I'm always on 10," she said, referring to her high level of vigilance. "I take it down depending on their demeanor or what I see."
Stay Calm
When those headlights go on, it's best to pull the car to the right, stay in the car, turn the interior lights on if it's dark and put your hands on the steering wheel.
Don't make any quick movements, and don't turn to grab your purse or put your hands in your pocket or under your seat to retrieve your license -- until the officer instructs you to. Then, do it slowly.
Don't move to open the glove box either, until directed. And do that slowly, too. Let the police shine a light inside the box before you reach in. Many criminals hide guns in glove boxes.
"What's going to cause the situation to get worse is for the fear factor to rise in that officer," Koep said. "The officer is more likely to cut you a break as long as you can reduce that fear. …If you're friendly with me, not arguing or denying what happened, that lowers the fear factor and will make me a lot more cooperative with you."
Don't boast about who you know, either. That can infuriate cops. They consider it a veiled threat to their livelihoods. Fortunately, most municipalities have laws in place to insure that an officer is not fired or reprimanded for ticketing, say, the mayor's daughter.
Finally, never try to buy off a cop. "In those instances where they've offered me a bribe," Fanning said. "I loved making those arrests."
Jennifer Waters is a MarketWatch reporter, based in Chicago.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Andy Whitfield's Unofficial Fan Site: Andy Whitfield not returning to 'Spartacus'
Andy Whitfield's Unofficial Fan Site: Andy Whitfield not returning to 'Spartacus': "Prayers are with you to beat this! -------------------------------------- Andy Whitfield not returning to 'Spartacus' Series star must res..."
Andy Whitfield's Unofficial Fan Site: Andy Whitfield not returning to ‘Spartacus’
Andy Whitfield's Unofficial Fan Site: Andy Whitfield not returning to ‘Spartacus’: "Andy Whitfield not returning to ‘Spartacus’ by James Hibberd | September 17, 2010 at 7:16 pm | Very sad and sur..."
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Need Golfers for October 8th 'Homes for Our Troops/HBCA Golf Tournament'
Florida Veteran's Network (FL Vet-Net): Homes for Our Troops/HBCA GolF tournament: "I know I’ve reminded before but hey, it’s my tournament and I want to do it again. Seriously though, we only have a few more weeks and we..."
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
August 12, 2010
TESTED
Just one of those days. It was dreary outside, but cool, which helped the atmosphere on the tier. I went to morning rec and did soccer drills by myself on the basketball pavement. I usually only get about ten minutes in before someone comes over to talk about soccer. Today a new guy from Honduras came over to talk to me. He called me the soccer pro. He asked, "Why don't you play with everyone at night rec?" " Rumor has it that you're no good and that's why you don't play." I was taken back and shocked at his brutal honesty. A part of me, actually a majority of me, wanted to play everyone right then and there to prove myself. But that was just my pride creeping its way back in. I finished the conversation with him cordially, and we talked about teams we like. When I came back inside, one of my fellow tier mates told me some guys in the yard were talking about me, because I was doing soccer footwork. He said they were saying, "He thinks he's too good and that's why he doesn't play with everyone." (I swear this is the devil tempting and trying me, but the devil is a liar). I actually just laughed because when things are going well, and my thoughts are positive, turmoil tries to ruin my peace. The "old me" would have to prove everyone wrong, but the" new me" now realizes that I don't have to prove myself to anyone. I can't care what people say or think. The only one I need to impress through my actions is Jesus Christ. I NOW understand the importance of conducting myself honorably-- no matter what comes my way-- so that those who may speak evil about me, regardless of what they may say or think, can only observe my good works. It doesn't matter who people say I am , it's who God says I am. I am who I am by the grace of God.( I Peter 2:11)
TESTED
Just one of those days. It was dreary outside, but cool, which helped the atmosphere on the tier. I went to morning rec and did soccer drills by myself on the basketball pavement. I usually only get about ten minutes in before someone comes over to talk about soccer. Today a new guy from Honduras came over to talk to me. He called me the soccer pro. He asked, "Why don't you play with everyone at night rec?" " Rumor has it that you're no good and that's why you don't play." I was taken back and shocked at his brutal honesty. A part of me, actually a majority of me, wanted to play everyone right then and there to prove myself. But that was just my pride creeping its way back in. I finished the conversation with him cordially, and we talked about teams we like. When I came back inside, one of my fellow tier mates told me some guys in the yard were talking about me, because I was doing soccer footwork. He said they were saying, "He thinks he's too good and that's why he doesn't play with everyone." (I swear this is the devil tempting and trying me, but the devil is a liar). I actually just laughed because when things are going well, and my thoughts are positive, turmoil tries to ruin my peace. The "old me" would have to prove everyone wrong, but the" new me" now realizes that I don't have to prove myself to anyone. I can't care what people say or think. The only one I need to impress through my actions is Jesus Christ. I NOW understand the importance of conducting myself honorably-- no matter what comes my way-- so that those who may speak evil about me, regardless of what they may say or think, can only observe my good works. It doesn't matter who people say I am , it's who God says I am. I am who I am by the grace of God.( I Peter 2:11)
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
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About Me
- Author Carol Gambill
- I like to think my novels are overpowered by one thing that we all need to survive, let alone breathe; and that is love -- a touch, an emotion that makes life seemingly bearable and worthwhile. For we all know, in life there is both pleasure and pain but it is in the hurting where we finally acknowledge and appreciate the life given. Every element of who we are is stripped away, exposing what we are truly made of. In the end, we're finally able to find happiness, love, and most importantly, ourselves. It is so basic, so simple, we choose not to see it, or simply can’t.
Accept both pleasure and pain and embrace them.... be mindful however of the one embraced tightly. Make the best of both.
Remember if you veer from that road less traveled, take your dreams, hold tight and press on... no matter how treacherous or tormenting the path may be.
